Dianeisms
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Panic
Feeling out of control takes it’s toll.
My mind rushing forward.
And my body implanted toward.
Heading down fears tunnel
Into a tornadic funnel
Everythings getting taller
And I’m shrinking smaller
I completely give in and let the fear take over.
I tremble
I fumble
I shake
And crumble.
My panic attacks have finally subsided. After months of feeling anxious all the time, my nerves feel calm. I've read that panic attacks are one of the most frighting things humans can go through, well besides a near death experience. It feels like I'm actually loosing my mind. My whole body shakes and my mind feels like it's moving forward while I'm standing still. It gets triggered by things that I already fear like heights and large cities. My mind shuts down and I can't function, which is why it has become difficult for me to drive through big cities. But, I try to push through by repeating that I won't let fear control me. Its a strange thing though, I used to drive through Atlanta and fly in planes with no problem, then all of a sudden I started freaking out. I think that because there has been a lot of changes in my life I've kind of been thrown into a whirlwind and am staggering around trying to catch my breath. If I could give advice to anyone who gets them, it's keep pushing yourself to face your fear and confront the reasons for the attacks and they will get better. If you submit to them and pull yourself from whatever situation is making you anxious, you'll never get over it. It's really hard to do and I was scared the whole time, but every time I live through it I think what the hell is the big deal? I'm hopeful though that one day panic attacks will be a distant memory. Until then, I'm just going to grip on to whatever stands still while the whirlwind whips around me.
HIS SIN LIES WITHIN
He is a risk taker, an opportunity maker, a world shaker, and probably a bad love maker.
Spoiled beyond belief and often considered more important than he actually is, he has never been a giver, but always a taker.
He is used to being treated with respect, by submission, and reacts to disrespect with corruption.
As he hoards in the weak, he hungers for mass quantities of sick consumption.
Perhaps he is a diplomat, who is very precise, but mostly naughty, and pretends to be nice.
While he is obsessed with money, and keeping himself in tact, the world around him is in shambles.
His interest are not in the simple things in life, rather, he’d choose to spend his time in a pool of riches as he gambles.
Warm-hearted, generous, caring, and organized, he is not, as he runs everyone ragged, their minds become absorbed in wicked and wretched mental states.
Following his desire to the very core of his existence, he treats everything with neglect, including his wife who stays at home and waits.
Giving in to temptation, he is a lustful love faker, caught red-handed.
Trying to explain this tall tale with his diplomatic solution he finds himself stranded.
The victim of adultery, with the symbol of love in her hand, she’s not buying it for what she has detected.
We can not learn from his words, but we can learn from his actions, the cost of living for the moment is much higher than expected.
So, starting last spring 2009 I started seeing these numbers 937 every single day. Whether it was time, money, phone numbers, license plates, upc codes on products, or Jerseys standing next to each other at a football game, they sought out my retina. It really freaked me out. I started telling people about it and of course they thought I was crazy, but then they started to notice that I saw it too. This went on for months and months before I did anything about it. I started researching what the numbers meant individually and this is what I found:
9
Represents accomplishment and success to achieve an influence over circumstance, intellectual power, inventiveness, positive influential difference. The spiritual meaning is Finality or judgment, completeness, and end of all things.
3
Means magic, intuition, expression, versatility, joy of creation, reward and success. The spiritual meaning is personal completeness, holy trinity, resurrection of christ, and birth/life/death.
7
Means mystery, activation of imagination, conscious thought, awareness, and scholarly activities. The spiritual meaning is God's perfection.
After I researched what these numbers meant, I stopped seeing them everyday, which is why I miss them. However, I did see the number 5 times this past Tuesday. I'm not 100% sure as to why I see them, but it is most definitely strange!
Loving a rag doll
Your perfect in every way.
Perfect hair, perfect mouth, perfect body, but you’ve lost your heart today.
It’s on your sleeve, showing your discontent by not being in your body.
Your empty glance makes way for your lifeless touch.
As I love and hug my rag doll it goes limp in my arms.
I try and try and get no response.
Before you know it, the perfect doll isn’t so perfect anymore.
The hair is frayed, the mouth droops, and the body tattered.
And my heart is shattered.
But it’s not your fault you wear your heart on your sleeve and I can see where it is.
I just want it repaired I don’t care how it is his.
Forgive and forget the heart will reawaken, it will be repaired by someone else’s taken.
