One step forward
Two steps back
Rewind history’s traceable tracks
A constant struggle to keep up
A clear path with debris falling
Trying to follow a sincere calling
No more obstacles, a set pace
Eyes focus on life’s face
Without thinking, one foot in front of the other
I can see my home at the end
With these footsteps I travel and find
Pave the way for all mankind
Moments in time veer off the path
Only to settle back on the right track
Follow the leader and you will see
No one is perfect, but you should try to be
The footprints left behind cannot be erased
Take cautious steps with feet bare, just in case
These steps I take to help heal the human race
Chapter 1
New Beginnings
Freedom is a relative term. There are really only degrees of it. But, I’d rather have one degree of freedom then none. Which is why my ancestors came to this beautiful country of America. They came for the freedom of their families such as myself. My name is Mark Dreyfus and you will remember that name for one reason: it will change the history books. I’m no superman, just a normal broke Samaritan that defied the laws governed by corruption. Yes, there are laws governed by police and nature. Ideally, cheat if you want to be cheated, steal if you want something stolen, and kill if you want to be killed. Realistically people don’t always treat others the way they want to be treated, but imagine the enlightenment if someone retaliated. An eye for an eye has always been my policy. Even if I don’t get the last laugh, God usually does. Bless him for that. He has blessed this country for the foundation of it in his name. But, we must progress cautiously because if you take it for granted, it will vanish before your eyes. And nothing could be more terrifying.
Freedom is the reason my family and I are here. Well, to be more specific financial freedom. We’ve been offered a large sum of money and a house custom made just for us. We had entered into a contest and won. The idea was to get people excited for a big change of lifestyle. No one had ever lived completely in the confines of one building with shops, malls, restaurants, or anything else you could dream of. Since New York City was so popular they decided to place the enormous building in the middle of Manhattan. The population was out of control. This was the solution to everyone’s problems because technically they still lived in New York City, so they were close to everything they wanted to be near. Whoever built this metropolis had named it Arcadia. But, its prospective citizens nicknamed it The Nest because no one could imagine paradise in Manhattan. However, it is large enough to hold five million people. As the largest building in the world, it is shaped appropriately like a star at the top because it is the closest thing to heaven on earth. At least that’s how it’s advertised. On the outside, the high rise is different colors of transparent glass. Some floors were completely clear and others were dark.
When we arrived at the parking lot of the Vertical City, my wife, Sophie starred up at the building in awe.
“Have you ever seen anything so amazing?” She said with curiosity.
“No, I really haven’t.” We smiled at each other.
I sat there starring at her in awe. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life, inside and out. Her eyes are deep-set hazel and her hair was black. When she walked, it was like she was floating with a heightened sense of things. She had it all figured out and I knew from the moment I met her that I would never stop investigating every inch of her heart and mind.
People always say we look alike. Thankfully, I’m about 5 feet taller, and my shoulders are larger than her entire body. Another one of our differences is my eyes are orangey-brown. All three of our children have her eyes.
“Baby, did you remember to bring my art supplies?” Sophie asked while hurriedly unloading our station wagon.
“Of course I did.” I stood scratching my head for a moment trying to remember where I put it. Digging through the mounds of crap we brought was no easy feat.
“Here it is!” I said as I loaded it onto a cart like you get at a hotel for your belongings. We were going to need 100 of them. I’m just glad we don’t have to bring furniture; they have completely furnished our home already.
After all the time we spent in our tiny apartment in Brooklyn, we were ready for a change. At first it was hard to get people to sign up to live in the Vertical City. People are afraid of change and the whole idea sounded a bit scary. An entire city within the walls of a building fixed with actual houses on the inside. Anything you needed was right there. No need to leave the building for anything. There are bars, clubs, movie theaters, malls, farms, offices, and churches. It was an oasis from the everyday grind. They had pioneered this entire place since the early 2,000’s. Now, 100 years later, people are stepping foot inside for the first time. We received a brochure in the mail about the whole thing and saw there was a contest to write an essay describing why we deserved to win a new home in the Vertical City. When my family and I were chosen, we were thrilled and a little nervous. Honestly, who could turn it down?
I had been teaching Philosophy at NYU for ten years and with the debt we acquired over that span of time, we had to do something drastic. Our savings account dwindled as we paid off all of our consumer debt. With three kids, I’m sure most of you feel my pain. The demands of our needs didn’t meet our paychecks. Of course, I never spoiled my kids. Not only cause we didn’t have the money, but also because I know how spoiled rotten they would turn if I did give them everything. How could they be grateful if they don’t learn how to be?
As we edged towards the enormous double doors, I saw an old enemy of mine pull into a handy-capped spot. This man was in no way handy-capped and his license plate read 1527 DAH. Which to me stood for Designated Ass Hole. He recognized me. Damnit.
“Hey Mark, wait for me!” Richard said. I would prefer to refer to him as Dick as people often use as a nickname for Richard. I’m sure he would handle that well.
“Hey Di-chard. I didn’t know you were going to be living here.” He didn’t notice the name change. He was slightly unaware of my dislike towards him; I’m not really sure why since my eye rolls were completely visible. Basically, he had worked with me at NYU and would steal any idea I had when it came to lesson plans or programs I created for students. After a few incidents of him getting all the credit from superiors, I socked him in the face. He took it like a man, and that gained him some respect in my eyes, but I still smile anytime I think of my fist hitting his face. He must have thought we were even and that I had forgiven him because I tolerate his presence, but the fact that he never apologized made him deserve his nickname: Dick.
“Yeah, I got accepted! Can you believe it?” He said as he threw all his belongings in a trash bag over his shoulder.
“No, I can’t.” I said, they selected teachers from the NYC area to come work at The Nest. A horrible decision on their part, I frowned.
We finally reached the doors and used our badges to gain access to the building. The security was impeccable and it had to be. If some psycho came through the doors with a bomb, the very foundation of this place would crumble. Immediately, we were funneled into a very large line of people waiting to get in. Thankfully, Dick was shoveled into a different line then us.
“Seriously, we have to wait in this?” My enthusiastic 12 years old, Sadie said. Her curly blond hair bounced as she talked. Since no one else in the family had blond or curly hair, she felt even more like an outcast than a normal pre-teen would.
Sophie stroked Sadie’s hair, “Patience is a virtue honey. Why don’t you play with the new Crystal you got for your birthday from Grandma and Grandpa?”
Sadie pulled out the Crystal from her book bag. It was the newest piece of technology to come from this era. It held a million times more data than a computer did when I was little. It could also speak to other Crystals within a five-mile radius and share data. In order to use it as a computer-like device, you attached leads to your head like headphones or suction cups. You could play an entire game using your mind’s images imprinted by the Crystal. There was no need for a screen. The Crystal projected all the images in your mind, from websites to video games. It was a revolutionary little piece of technology and took the place of old fashioned computers. It was also used to project television images and anything else you could possibly think of on the wall with highly crystallized images. All you had to do is prop the little mechanism into a machine and there you go, no need for screens ever again! I could kiss whoever invented it. My kid’s silence was sometimes very important to me.
“Excuse me sir, what is your last name?” A very rigid looking woman said to me as we waited.
“It’s Dreyfus.”
“Ok, you need to go into the rows labeled A-I.” She all but pushed us over to the new line.
Our youngest, Thomas, was riding inside the cart full of our life, “Faster daddy, faster!” He yelled.
“It’s too crowded, your gonna have to sit tight.” I said to him with disdain.
Hours had gone by until we finally reached the front.
“Hello Mr. Dreyfus, you will be in house number 8426. But, first we need you to sign these papers.” The woman blinked her long eyelashes pleasantly in my direction.
“Ok, I will look at it and sign it later.” People were beginning to push into my back because it was so crowded. It was organized chaos, but surely they could have planned a better entrance.
“No, you have to sign it now.” She stood in her suit with the authority of the president and I could feel my wife’s nerves shake.
“You must think I’m crazy to sign this without reading it.” I threw the papers back down and gave her the ‘you’ve got to be kidding me look’.
“You don’t have to sign it without reading it sir. There are rooms right over there that you and your family are welcome to read over it and then sign it. Afterward, you can get back in line and hand it in. But, you can not go up the lift until you do so.”
Our middle child stood there patiently crossing her legs, “Daddy?”
“Yes, Isabelle?”
“I have to go to the bathroom.” She twirled her brown hair in her fingers, while her lips made a pout.
“You’re going to have to wait.” And then I did something I regret. I signed the papers without reading it. I didn’t usually do such stupid things, but in the circumstances getting settled into our home was my only concern. It’s funny though I noticed most others making the same decision. When you’re tired and frustrated it’s amazing what you are willing to do.
We took our things and headed towards the lift that was placed in the opening courtyard. There were live trees and flowers in the middle, which made it feel like a garden. Benches stood next to a man-made tributary for people to relax. It was obvious the whole idea was to keep people feeling like they were in the outside world even if they were stuck in this building. It had all the intricacies as nature did, with animals being contained to segregated parts of the courtyard.
The lift was like an elevator, only much more secure. It moved along what seemed like a railroad or roller coaster track on the walls. There were so many of them in the building to help distribute crowds. We hit the button for floor 84 and held on to each other. When the doors opened, we couldn’t believe our eyes. The area was completely open and to our right was a row of buggies. Each buggy had a last name on it.
Thomas pointed, “Look The Dreyfus buggy!”
The buggies were meant to substitute cars. They also moved on a track along the floors and you could take them to any floor you wanted through a tunnel built on the sides of the building. The frame looked like a punch buggy from way back in the 1970’s. Our buggy was black and white with our ancestor’s coat of arms painted on each door side.
“Can you believe this? I didn’t know we were going to get our own transportation!” Sophie bounced in her chair like a child.
“This is going to be an adventure we will never forget.”
The navigation system greeted us kindly as we punched in the numbers to our new home. I didn’t even have to drive it. Once we arrived, the kids screamed with excitement at the site of their new home in our new neighborhood. It was brick with red shutters. There was natural light coming from the windows of the building and a cloud image reflected on the glass above us. We even had grass.
“Dad, do we each get our own room? Please, can we have our own rooms?” Sadie said.
“Honey, by the looks of that thing, there are going to be plenty of rooms.” We all exited the buggy and I placed my fingerprint on the lock and the door opened. The kids rushed in immediately, but Sophie and I starred at the arched doorway.
She grabbed my hand and looked at me, “Are you ready for this?”
My eyes bulged out of my head with an overwhelming feeling of wonder. Was this going to be a new beginning? Or would it leave me where I left off in a less than mediocre life with an amazing family at my side. The future is dependent on the past and this was our time to start from the beginning.
Silent Shadows
Slim silhouette’s sliver in the light.
While they disappear into the night.
Whispering their secrets onto the ground.
Some with a deceiving ferocious bite.
Look over your shoulder and be cautious for fright.
It follows every move with disdain and delight.
You cannot run, you cannot hide.
For it will reflect every true sight.
Fear not as it protects and wanders right.
The shadow guides as good intentions might.
Identical, with soft differences.
Find the one without a fight.
Follow the path that prepares for flight.
To space it flies as high as a kite.
Silent shadows speak the unspoken.
And will even come alive in the moonlight.
Posted by
Dianeism
1:23 PM
Even though sometimes I feel lonely, I'm never alone. That sounds creepy, but really it's comforting. I know I have people looking out for me above and know that my friends and family will always be there if I need them. To the people who don't have such a luxury I pray they will seek and find it. I haven't been blogging lately, mostly because I have been working on my books...notice the plural! I just started on book two! I spend a lot of time alone writing in this tiny little room. And it is hard sometimes to say no to doing this or that, but I am hoping that one day this will all pay off. I work best by myself and ever since I was little I have been emotionally independent, but I don't care who you are...everyone needs someone. Don't get me wrong...I love people and need to be around them, but I find the most peace in silence. But, every time I see my shadow, I know I'm not alone.
Emptiness
I look around at the passers by, smile and get nothing.
Desperately searching, waiting for something.
A blank stare.
People who don’t care.
The gravitation towards instant gratification.
A robot in motion.
Fulfilling it’s own notion.
With no regard for the rest.
You will definitely fail your test.
The satisfying of every urge.
The evil within yourself will emerge.
Neglecting to act.
Will be the death of you in fact.
Hello fallow.
Goodbye tomorrow.
Posted by
Dianeism
4:10 PM
It's an eerie thing to walk amongst strangers sometimes. People you will never get to know. Their stories will remain a mystery, which always makes me sad. I've noticed that as I've gotten older, the more and more people won't look you in the eye. I am guilty of this as well, but if we pretend that each other are not there, then we loose a very real connection with the world and each other. It is easy to label a stranger as a bad driver or a moody customer, but this makes them loose other titles that you don't know anything about. The moody customer may have recently been titled widower. If you think of everyone as being very complex, your connection will come to life. People are loosing a sense of responsibility to others. The responsibility to let someone get in front of them on the highway or if someone is being bullied to stop it from happening. If you take responsibility for yourself and others, you are linking the chains of change. You help someone and others follow suit. Bad behavior is contagious and so is good. The more we ignore each other, the more empty we become.
Sell Fish
It’s worth every penny to not be penniless.
Do whatever it takes, take whatever you can get.
Selling fish was his best bet.
Among the market, he charmed with his banter.
People flooded in with a canter.
He won’t do this, he won’t do that.
But, he will carry the fish until it breaks his back.
He juggled the fish in the air with a fake smile and cold scaly hands.
He gets mad when anyone ruins his plans.
It wasn’t just the money he craved, but the attention he was paid.
He would never stop selling fish because he doesn’t know how to be self-less.
The vendor across the street began to steal his thunder.
No longer did his fans reel in for hunger.
Now he’s broke and hooked into a blunder.
His head slumped down returning to his forgotten life with his tail tucked under.
Posted by
Dianeism
7:26 AM
Everyone is guilty of it, sometimes more than others. It's so easy to be selfish, that's why it's so bad. It's easier to do what you want than it is to do what someone else asks of you. But, the more and more you do what you want, the more and more others get disappointed in you. In response, you'll get this unsettling feeling. The more happy you try to make yourself with doing what you want, the more unhappy you will feel, which you may not even realize. As others notice this inevitable action in you, they will then expect it and in return you will continue to live up to their expectations. And of course the opposite is true, that if you only do what others want, then they will walk all over you. One of the hardest things in life to juggle is balance. And just like a person with an addiction (you do have have an addiction to pleasing yourself only or being a people pleaser) you first must realize you have a problem, then take baby steps to correcting it when you see you are falling back on bad habits. Think of yourself as a service to the wants and needs of others and your own and maybe that will help you tip the scale.
1. Giving up means you’ll never get where your going.
2. Sometimes we build walls to see if anyone cares enough to break them.
3. You are the way you are because that’s the way you grew up.
4. One of the hardest parts about chasing your dreams is finding the courage
to do it.
5. Fame dies with out of sight out of mind, money dies when you are buried, but
love is never ending.
6. Everybody is searching for who they are and what they believe in.
7. If God has given you a gift, you cannot claim it as your own because it was
a gift from HIM.
8. Relationships are like prison you’re locked up and marriage is throwing away
the key, so you’d better find someone that you can stand for a life
sentence.
9. Be who you are, but always strive to be the better version of yourself.
10. The hardest thing in life to juggle is balance.
11. You can’t ever win if you keep finding ways to fail.
12. Peace comes from realizing that we’re not so different after all.
Humbled
Humanity has mumbled
Stands up when fumbled
While up in the air
The head in the clouds
Disaster tumbled.
The mess in a heap and bundle
Packaged to serve your grumble
Ashamed with your tail between your legs
Your head descending
Into an un-blinded jumble.
Arrogance is crumbled
By means of humility rumble
Feet firmly on dirt
Body on the ground
To keep you humble.
Posted by
Dianeism
11:14 AM
I have come to the conclusion over the years that being humbled by things that go wrong is a very good thing. Everyone needs to be knocked back down to earth sometimes. Anytime my head gets big about this or that, something always happens that makes me realize that I have no reason to be arrogant. Hopefully, I will always be able to see the cause and effect of the things I do, think, and say. No one likes a cocky, arrogant, know-it-all. In fact, cockyness and arrogance get on my nerves like no other personality trait. I wonder though, for those who are cocky and arrogant, their heads are so high up in the clouds, they can't come down to earth to see themselves for what they are. Or they do see and just don't care. I'm sure they notice the eye rolls in their direction. Anytime I notice any of those traits in myself, I try to correct it. The know-it-all thing is my weakness, but since I know that sometimes I "know-it-all" I try to take other people's opinions into account because I love hearing other people's perspectives. And I do admit when I'm wrong. I am a work in progress, always striving to be a better person and sometimes striving for the impossible perfection.
The American Dream
Big house.
Nice spouse.
Fancy car.
That isn’t too far.
It’s within our reach.
And what society will preach.
Entertainment to escape.
Turns the mind into a different shape.
Is it what we truly want?
To shamelessly flaunt.
Scares the hell out of me.
To become what has been instilled to be.
Dare to be broke.
Share with an honest foke.
Your true dreams come true.
When you truly pursue.
I don’t mean to scare.
But The American Dream may become your worst nightmare.
Posted by
Dianeism
6:03 PM
I read your book and just saw the movie and it seems that I too have disappeared into not only a significant other (a relationship that lasted 7 years) but also into a life that was comfortable. I didn’t piece it together until I saw the movie that God’s message through your story is to eat (for the soul), pray (for peace of mind), and love (to fulfill the heart). These things are the only things that truly matter in this world. I am writing a similar story to yours. It’s about a spiritual revolution within yourself. I started writing it last August 2009 before I read your book and saw the movie. I started writing it before me and my boyfriend broke up and realized that my story, Awaken, turned out to be my own awakening. I have always been pretty close to God, but sometimes I get lazy and need something to re-ignite my spirit. Needless to say, I am awake. After the break up, I felt I needed a change in my life and to actually start living it and make life happen instead of letting it happen to me. As Americans I think we let our freedom rot away and disintegrate into mindless entertainment so we can escape from the craziness. I hope that your story helps people realize that the American dream can sometimes be a nightmare. People worry too much about what they are expected to have and want instead of what will challenge them and make them grow, which is why people are after the American dream as a substitute for their individual dream. My dream is to inspire people with my words as you have. And I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your very deep personal story with the world. I hope that you have opened people’s minds and hearts to a new and better life. I’m glad that as soon as you let God into your life, everything you knew changed for the better. I admire you for having the guts to make a change and do the work.
Dark Angel
Where did you go, you are so far gone.
To follow the emptiness to fulfill the feeling you haven't felt in so long.
Like magic you disappeared into bitter, brittle, and broken.
It's been too long since we've spoken.
Do you speak to hear yourself speak?
Do you weep to hear yourself weep?
You use to be bright, but the world has turned you black.
Now there is only one way to come back.
Bring a smile from a foe or friend.
Then you'll be happy while I mend.
I'll turn your frown to a smile.
While you follow the Nile.
Your ugly into beautiful.
As long as your life is dutiful.
I'll rid your devils as I re-ignite the spark.
And light up your dark.
I'll fix your broken.
Posted by
Dianeism
4:28 PM
It always makes me sad when someone I know goes from a believer to non-believer. So sad that I've even cried about it. Some have stopped being believers in themselves and in God. Most of the people I meet that have gotten "lost" over time seem to yearn for something more, but can't seem to find "it", whatever it maybe. Believing is a gift and I think God really only reveals himself to those who don't need proof. I also know non-believers who act more Christian than actual Christians. In my opinion, non-believers aren't doomed for hell. I don't think God believes in black and white(hell-black/heaven-white) which is what purgatory is for. For all the shades of gray. All I can do to help shed some light is be the best example that I can be, I can't change people's minds, but I can plant a seed. Hopefully it will grow.
Magic
This is between us two.
I’ve cast a spell on you.
The sparks have shot up like fireworks.
The energy sits heavy between us like a bubbling cauldron
I’m restless in your presence and suddenly the words escape me.
My motions follow yours
The attraction overflows.
I am inspired and admired.
Surprised and comfortable.
A connection I know what your thinking
An inspection of everything you.
No tricks or illusions.
Just magical conclusions.
Posted by
Dianeism
6:01 PM
I do believe in magic, not necessarily the card tricks or the illusions, but that the impossible can be possible. Of course it is hard to entertain the idea that magic and mystery are logical or realistic. However, there are things that cannot be explained. UFO sightings are prime examples of that and I myself have seen strange things in the sky that do not look like helicopters or planes. Miracles happen all the time too, I've read about them and witnessed some things in my life that without a doubt can not be explained by logic. The logical minded people can argue around any of the mysterious things that happen, but in truth the world is not meant to be 100% logical, emotional, or explainable. It supposed to be a mixture of emotional and logical and an equal happy balance. As long as the emotional people recognize the fact they could be wrong and vice versa for the logical minded. The simple fact that we are even here on earth is a miracle. I also consider the fact that people can fall in love and stay in love for 50 years a miracle...we all know that the opposite sex ain't so easy to live with sometimes. Take it from my great Italian immigrant grandmother who asked for a divorce from her husband of like 50 years on their anniversary haha (they didn't get divorced). Maybe I'm just a big kid still and like to dream, but sometimes dreams are more interesting than reality.
Truth
The things you say are the price you pay for the things you do and don’t.
So stop, listen, feel, and think when you think others won’t.
Words only have meaning when they are put into action, until then they never give or take any satisfaction.
So unless you want a positive reaction,
Do what you say, say what you feel and wait for retaliation.
If there is no regurgitation, resist the force of gravitation,
because without words and action the meaning of the attraction remains to be fiction.
Posted by
Dianeism
2:42 PM
Why is the truth so hard sometimes? It can be hard to admit, easy to realize, and hard to come by. I always try to be truthful to myself and to others, but sometimes I catch myself lying in order to keep from realizing the truth. I suppose that is human nature, but at least I always feel guilty about lying and usually tell the truth. Writer's have been known to be truth tellers, but I think that is only when it comes to everyone but themselves. Everyone does lie though, even if they are "white" lies so I suppose we shouldn't feel to bad about it, unless it hurts someone in the long run. I think people lie for a million different reasons: self-gain, manipulation, and to keep themselves out of tribulation. The only semi-good reason to lie is if you think that the truth will really hurt someone. I mean sometimes the truth is imperative even if it does hurt someone, you use your judgment on that call. Honesty is usually the best policy, however, I am a firm believer that bluntness doesn't always work on some people. I think it is best to beat around the bush, that way you are being honest with a side of sensitivity to their feelings. The best guidance for others when trying to get them to realize the truth is to ask probing questions that will get them to enlighten themselves. People don't learn by being told or shown when it comes to life decisions. They learn by their mistakes and self-awareness of why they do the things they do. That can be hard to figure out, but if you spend some alone time with yourself and really ask yourself why, you will eventually come up with the answer.
Panic
Feeling out of control takes it’s toll.
My mind rushing forward.
And my body implanted toward.
Heading down fears tunnel
Into a tornadic funnel
Everythings getting taller
And I’m shrinking smaller
I completely give in and let the fear take over.
I tremble
I fumble
I shake
And crumble.
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